Christmas Inspired Rambles and Reflections

Last night at our Christmas Eve service, Pastor Gregg was sharing about the star that led the Wisemen to a stable....not a palace. What do you do when you find yourself in the stable? Pastor Gregg shared they looked for God in the stable. He made the connection that most often when we are in a stable situation that's where we feel God's love more and closer. It really made me think about the past year and how God has used heartbreak to help me have a better relationship with Him.

Since I can't even begin to convey the message as eloquently as Pastor Gregg, you can follow this link to see the Christmas Eve service and message. It's worth it, I promise! Christmas Eve Service

(Warning, my ADD probably kick in as I try and share my story and most of this was written in the car on the iPad, so you've been warned! I figure if you're reading this you are equipped to deal with me already!) This time last year we were living with guarded optimism after a positive pregnancy test. We then had hope as we heard a heartbeat. We started 2013 with heartache, as we had an angel. Today, we looked forward to spending the day with family and celebrating how blessed we are!

Through all of our infertility, I had been up and down with faith and trusting God. I've shared before that some days were and still can be a struggle. One thing that strengthened my faith was the fact when I was scared or discouraged through the IVF there were always several friends that prayed for me, shared words of encouragement, and loved us through.

Granted, the day we were at the hospital and my prayers weren't being answered...I was a little irritated and couldn't understand why after all of our heartache and hope we were faced with loss. Pastor Glenn is the only person that I remember talking to that day outside of Joe and the hospital people. I think God knew we needed a shoulder to cry on, someone who would pray with us, and just a visible reminder we weren't facing things alone.

I decided to join the Women's Bible Study at church. My thought was it would get me out of the house and introduce me to some new friends. I had no clue how much I would love and appreciate having that time with other ladies while learning a lot about my relationship with Jesus, a lot about myself, and seeing the importance of having a church family. Granted, I don't always get my homework done but I still love it.
While I was learning to rely on God and that He wasn't out to torture us with heartbreak, I still had meltdown moments. I figured I'm human so of course I will still be a hot mess now and then. For one week in June, I got to help preschoolers with crafts during Wee Serve. It was an opportunity to get out of the house and do what I love...be with the the little guys. While I love my summer break, I was apprehensive about being home and having too much time on my hands. Another summer church adventure was taking the membership class at Union Chapel was the next step in my faith. The more I became involved and met more people, the more comfortable I felt.
On the home front, we hadn't talked about what we were going to do next...it just was a road we hadn't gone down. When we went to help with the Race for the Family, we were going to help give back to the Cade Foundation because of the grant, love, and prayers they give us. When it came time for the IVF raffle, we waited knowing that someone would receive an amazing blessing. What we had no clue was that an angel looking out for us had entered our names into the raffle, and my name was drawn. We all know I'm never speechless but this was the exception.

There is no way to explain it other than God knew I needed a clear sign on what we should do. As I think back about how amazed and blessed we still are to have another

chance at IVF, it's one of those moments you have to chalk up to God.

Step back to the membership class with me for a minute, please. One of the questions was whether you had been baptized or not. Well, I grew up in a Quaker Church so nope, no baptism with water. Granted, if I had been baptized back in my teen years I really don't think I would have had the understanding and appreciation that I do at this point in life. Pastor Glenn was the one that called to talk about what God had been doing in my life and why I wanted to be baptized. (Insert a very similar conversation that I've just typed here but probably with even less focus!) December 7, I took the next step and was baptized at Union Chapel. It was an exciting event and honestly, I wasn't expecting the peacefulness that I felt after. I'm praying that peacefulness will help me power through the emotional and physical aspects of trying again.

Thanks as always for taking time to read my update, especially when I don't go back and revise! It's more honest and heartfelt when I just ramble on. We hope you have had a wonderful Christmas with your families! We continue to be thankful for the love and support we receive from family and friends.

For what to pray specifically for right now...I'm trying to give up caffeine over break! My goal was to give up Caffeine Free Diet, too...but I'm going to be realistic. I'm guessing Dr. Morris won't understand how scary the thought of keeping up with preschoolers on no caffeine is...so just pray for no headaches and natural energy to keep up with my favorite little people. Also, we are hoping to get the ovarian reserve testing done soon. Timing is everything right now, and I'm hoping that it will work out so I won't have to miss school to get that done. I've got to get Dr. Morris to send Dr. Darroca specific instructions on how he wants the testing done. Darroca said he uses Clomid to do the test, and I said, "No, no, no, no, no." Who knew one word could stir such an adverse reaction?!

Enough rambling! Enjoy time with your family and friends!

Love,

Sarah and Joe

Merry Christmas!!

As we celebrate this Christmas, we want to take a moment to thank everyone for their love, prayers, encouragement, and support.  We are so blessed with amazing family and friends that support us along the way.  Have a wonderful holiday with your families!

Love is Patient

Twelve years ago, these words were read at our wedding and really sum up life at the Jones' house!

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT

Happy 12 years tomorrow babe!!  This afternoon I've been scrolling through pictures and thinking about how blessed I am daily that Joe is my husband.  While I wouldn't recommend or wish infertility on anyone, it has definitely been a factor in helping us to grow stronger as a couple.  Life has never been dull or easy at the Jones' house, but we have managed to overcome the various challenges in our path.  Thankfully, Joe is the level-headed one when I go Code Red!  I'm a blessed girl.  

Tuesday we ventured to Anderson for my hysteroscopy.  Dr. Darroca was able to remove the polyps he found and we were back in Muncie by four.  I'm not the most congenial girl without food or drink, so I was very thankful they moved surgery from 3:30 to 12:30!  This was my first adventure at Community Hospital in Anderson and I really appreciated how they took care of me.  My TSH came back at 2.45, below the 2.5 where Dr. Morris wants it to be.  The nurse called and was going to order some more labs...something about thyroid antibodies just to make sure it's all under control.  However, I ventured to LabCorp to find the order hadn't arrived.  That test will have to wait until Monday.  I go back for a post-op appointment on the 23rd with Darroca.  I'm hoping that day we can figure out what ovarian reserve testing he can do for us.  The ovarian reserve testing will help guide Dr. Morris in the medicine protocol, so having that information will help us be able to budget for meds.

Wednesday I had taken off as a personal illness day just to make sure I was good to go after anesthetic.  The morning started off with me feeling fine thinking that I could have gone to school.  As the day moved on, my shoulders and neck were sore and tight.  I had forgotten that after these procedures, you get shoulder pain as the gas leaves your body.  (It seems like you should just be able to toot and be done with it, but no shoulder and neck pain is more fun)  When I ventured back to the munchkins on Thursday, I just had a happy heart.  Having little smiles and hugs makes all the crazy times of teaching worth it.  I think when I'm out for the IVF I'm going to have to FaceTime with the kiddos!  I'm so thankful for a job I love and wonderful people that steer the ship when I need to be out.  (A special shout out to Ms. Kelly who I ditched for a surgery the week of her finals!  I did leave chocolate)

Please pray for us as we enter the holidays.  Last year at this time, I had started bleeding and then miscarried.  Things are off to a great start for the holidays- we have our Christmas tree up and Polar Express Day is coming in preschool!  

Pray that we are able to count our blessings and look toward the future.  Pray that my thyroid levels comes back fine and that we get the ovarian reserve testing done.  One blessing I've discovered is a discount medication program, so that may turn out to be a major answer to prayer.  

In other excitement, this girl got baptized last Saturday!  I'm so thankful and blessed.  Stay warm and safe friends!

'Tis the season for a procedure

There hasn't been much to report regarding our infertility journey lately, but there is a little bit today!  Yesterday, we went to Dr. Darroca (OB-GYN in Muncie) to get an annual, drop off my 123 page history from Dr. Bopp, and get some tests and procedures planned that Dr. Morris would like done before IVF.  It turns out that going to a doctor you haven't seen in a couple years is harder on your blood pressure than a wild day with the munchkins!  (146/95...oops)  Looking back, I think the anticipation of going over everything that's happened and the unknown of what we could get done here may have just got me worked up a little.  It turns out that I'm very comfortable talking about my infertility, but my miscarriage is a little more difficult. 

I always like to find a picture or quote to use when I blog, and this one jumped out at me.  Our first IVF started off smoothly, took a detour to the couch, and ended in a way we hadn't hoped.  Having this visual really makes me think about how to move ahead as we look toward IVF again.  November 2012-January 2013 was a draining experience....emotionally and physically which makes the thought of doing it all again a little daunting.  I've got to cross the monkey bars and not be afraid as we move forward.
Since I've got a history of cysts and polyps, I need to have a hysteroscopy done.  It's an outpatient procedure that I've had before...it just needs to be done at a specific time in my cycle.  His schedule was pretty booked, but after touching base with Dr. Morris about timing they were able to work me in.  Monday morning is our pre-op appointment and Tuesday at 3:30 is the procedure.  Pre-op is in Muncie, but the procedure will be at Community in Anderson.  I forgot to ask if he does these under anesthetic, if I can't eat or drink until 3:30 I'm going to need a full day sub.  Nobody wants a hungry and thirsty Jones, but Mr. Jones has dealt with the beast before! 
For our friends and family that pray specifically for us, here's what we need for the upcoming week...pray that my hysteroscopy goes smoothly and if there are any polyps they are taken care of, pray for Joe as he deals with me leading up to the procedure especially if I have anesthetic, and pray for the munchkins and the ladies that will hold down the fort while I'm out.  (Also, pray for temperatures that allow for gross motor time outside...32 degrees!)
One more thing, I got my TSH checked again...waiting for the result.  Since my levels fluctuate, please pray that they get and keep me between 1-2.  TSH and hysteroscopy are just one of the first steps before we start down the IVF road again!  We still have to get Joe's test updated and my ovarian reserve.  One step at a time!

Thanks for the love and prayers as always!
Sarah and Joe

Meeting our new doctor

How awesome was Peyton's homecoming in Indianapolis?!  I'm so stoked we were there!!  It rocked and was totally worth being exhausted and hoarse the next day.

Thursday morning we headed north to meet Dr. Morris, our new fertility doctor that donated the cycle of IVF for the Cade Foundation raffle. Change is not easy so there was a touch of anxiety as our appointment was growing closer.  When we won the raffle this summer, it was an answer to the question of what do we do next.  After our first cycle and miscarriage, I had no clue about what our next steps would be.  The thought of going through everything again to lose it was a lot to think about, but my heart wasn't totally ready to give up on fertility treatments.  It can be a bit overwhelming to think about how to manage another IVF, bed rest, and possible miscarriage again...it was just physically and emotionally draining.  However, I've got a lot of faith that we won this raffle for a reason and there is a positive outcome waiting for us.  It's that whole everything happens for a reason thing.

It took about four and a half hours to get to Naperville Fertility Center which will be where all appointments, monitoring, and procedures will occur.  (I'm no city mouse, so this country mouse will need lots of prayers when I'm making this trip on my own!)  We were an hour early because someone didn't mention that our appointment was Illinois time.  Joe is a smart cookie so he suggested we go ahead and check in.  We had to fill out our questionnaire prior to the appointment so there wasn't a lot of paperwork.  The nurse wanted to check my blood pressure and weight.  My blood pressure was normal which is unusual for these type of appointments.  I'm down eight pounds from my first IVF beginning weight.  While that was a year ago, shots, bed rest, and hormones are not kind to the waist line.  I'm going to keep working on it thanks to our Biggest Loser contest at school!  

We were able to get into meet Dr. Morris an hour before our scheduled appointment time.  Dr. Morris has everything electronically, so he gave us back our 123 page history from Dr. Bopp.  We jumped right in and he shared with us about different optional testing that could be done before the embryos were transferred.  (After the appointment, we both decided that we would opt against the preimplantation genetic testing)  Dr. Morris is on top of current research and best practices.  He had a power point with visuals on all his talking points! Prior to our cycle, I will have some ovarian reserve testing to provide information that will help in adjusting dosage for medicine.  He also wants a saline ultrasound or hysteroscopy to make sure the uterus is in good shape.  TSH is also included in this day 3 testing, which is good because mine fluctuates so much.  Dr. Morris wants my TSH between zero and 2.5, so when I visit Dr. Orrell I'll pass along our new range.  Joe has to get his testing updated, too.  It's only fair with all the poking and prodding I will receive!

When it comes to medication, we will use Follistim and Ganirelex again.  Dr. Morris uses a low dose HCG protocol.  The trigger shot will include HCG and Follistim.  This is new for the trigger.  I've done HCG (it's the one Joe gets to give me), but he uses the Follistim to trigger the FSH surge in addition to LH.  (FSH and LH are hormones key to the process.)

Egg retrieval and embryo transfer are the same as our first cycle, so that won't be a new experience.  I really feel confident that we are in great hands!  One of the downfalls to our consultation was the harsh reality....Dr. Morris says NO CAFFEINE for either of us.  Please pray for us as we transition to caffeine free life.  My caffeine free diet coke is allowed though! We met with one of the ladies from Billing to get prices on the testing that we would need before our cycle.  She also suggested contacting my local OB for the tests to help save us a trip.  Everyone at the clinic was very positive and encouraging!  I left feeling a lot better about things!

So, now we just have to get our testing done and figure out the costs we will have for medicine.  Pray that all the tests are clear and that we will get the medication cost figured out.  It's really amazing and a blessing when we think that the only costs we have is our medication.  A typical IVF cycle can cost between $12,000-15,000.  Thanks to the Cade Foundation for being an answer to prayers!!  

As we plan for our next IVF cycle, I'm going in with a lot more faith!  Thanks to all our friends and family for always giving us love, support, and prayers.  It takes a village to overcome infertility and we are so blessed!

Have a wonderful fall week and stay warm!

Love,

Sarah and Joe

Sarah's Ramblings

Oh my goodness, the last time I wrote was August 6.  Hold onto your hats, I'm about to get chatty!  October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day so I figured now is a good time to write.

Things have been hopping around the Jones' house since then.  School officially started August 12, and my munchkins started on the 14th.  The start of school is always busy and tiring...it doesn't get less exhausting with time for sure.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows I love special needs preschool so finding out that I needed six hours of credit by November 4 sent me into a small panic.  I knew I had to do it because I love my munchkins and what I do.  August 27 I started two classes online through University of Phoenix, insert crazy and busy Sarah.  Classes ended on Monday and I survived with an A and an A-.  Woohoo!  I'm blessed with a very patient husband who handled more cooking and cleaning duties than usual.  I'm also very blessed to work with wonderful people that helped with papers, let me do observations, and lots of people that just kept encouraging me along the way.
In the midst of homework and teaching, meeting Dr. Morris and having our consultation wasn't as high on the priority list.  Fall Break seemed like the ideal time to try and get in.  I really don't want to use too many of my days before IVF time.  (Although I'm praying this round will be much smoother)
We were able to get our appointment for October 24.  Insert a little nervousness at the thought of starting the process all over again.  While we aren't stressing about anything until we meet with the doc, there is a lot to think about!  The actual IVF itself isn't scary, the shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork...they aren't the hard part.  The hard part is the waiting and not knowing.  While the Cade Foundation has blessed us with the ability to do a cycle again, there is still the cost of medication.  At times, it is easy to think about whether we are doing the right thing...we have spent less than most on fertility treatments thanks to the Cade Foundation but at times we have to think about whether we should have spent it on adoption.  God has told me through this journey I will know when it's time to pursue adoption, and so far I'm not there yet.  
If I'm going to be honest, I think the fertility treatments and loss have done amazing things for my faith.  I went through the angry phase for sure and let God know I wasn't happy...looking back everything has brought me to where we are today.  Without being down after the miscarriage, I'm not sure I would have stepped out of my comfort zone and joined the Bible study at church.  I'm so thankful that I did!  I look forward to Tuesdays with my girls and feel a void when I miss it.  It really helps keep me grounded and remember God has a plan for us.  I'm really excited that I will have this group to support me as we move forward.  We have been covered in prayer all along, but having a small group of support is really exciting as I look ahead.  

February 1998

Let's talk about Joe for a minute.  When we started dating in 1998, I'm sure he had no clue what he was getting into!
Each day I have to love this guy more!  Our journey through infertility has brought us closer together through the ups and downs.  I'm thankful God gave me a man that has the patience to deal with me daily, it's not an easy job.  Joe could write a book on surviving life with a preschool teacher wife.  Bless his heart for blowing up therapy balls.  I love having someone that lets me share my excitement and passion for preschoolers and who doesn't roll his eyes when I start rambling.  I was asked if I knew anything about a toddler bed that someone was getting rid of.  It just happens that my husband was able to get a frame, board, and a mattress.  Now this munchkin will have a bed that will last longer than the toddler one.  Some guys wouldn't be as understanding and compassionate for helping out a child he's never met.  Another Joe rocks story...we have a little tricycle at school that is the perfect size for my tinier friends.  The pedal fell off the other day.  Jones couldn't fix it on the spot, but said I'd take home to Joe.  My munchkin replies, "Joe needs to fix and get the pedal on the little bike."  Joe spent two hours Thursday night trying to fix the pedal and woke up at 5:30 Friday morning to tell me he hadn't fixed it.  Saturday he got a part at Menards...but it wasn't the right size.  As I type, he's taken the bike apart and is going to get the right part and spray paint it!  What may seem as little things to some are huge blessings and mean so much.
One huge praise is the Cade Foundation grantees were announced for 2014.  Five couples are going to move forward in their journey to a family thanks to the Cade Foundation blessings.  It's so exciting!  I will never forget the Sunday evening when we received the phone call we were selected to receive a grant.  Pray for these couples as they start to plan and move forward!  
As far as praying for us, just pray that we (mostly me) will remain calm and listen as we meet with Dr. Morris.  I have been with Dr. Bopp and Alison forever it feels, this is a huge change.  I'm confident that we will feel comfortable with Dr. Morris.  After all, he donated a cycle of IVF for the raffle.  Pray that we will be able to take what he shares with us and come up with a game plan.  Here's one thing I struggle with and you can pray for me on...whenever we meet and talk about our next procedure I get really excited, hopeful, and ready to roll.  Joe is the level headed one that will figure out a logical time line and keep me grounded.  It's always exciting to have a new plan, but there are lots of things that factor in when we plan a cycle.  Going to Chicago for treatment will be another point to consider...I'm praying for a mild winter!
Thanks for reading my ramblings!  I appreciate the love, prayers, and support we get.  
Love always!
Sarah and Joe

Zooming through summer...

It's back to school time which makes me think of sharing stories about your summer with your teacher and classmates, so I figured that would be an easy starter for a blog update.  Our most exciting event of the summer was going to Chicago for the Cade picnic and winning a free IVF cycle.  That's a pretty big thing to top!

There's nothing to report on that front, we haven't scheduled our consultation yet.  Someone misread the licensing requirements and has to get six hours completed by November 4.  Oops!  Needless to say, staying in preschool is very important and will take precedence for a bit.  Thankfully Kreischer saved the day by recommending University of Phoenix and their six week classes.  From now until November, I may be a little out of touch going back to school with the munchkins and back to school as a student!  Extra caffeine may be an essential part of life!

While I've just been enjoying a lazy summer and slowly getting my room together, Joe has been off to the races!  (Yes, that's cheesy but I couldn't resist!)  Joe and Craig got to drive a NASCAR at the Speedway.  Another day, he drove a Ferrari F-430 at Grissom Air Force Base.

That's all from the Jones' for now!  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as it's back to school time, and the odds of Joe getting a home cooked meal are rather low!  Once I start two online classes, the odds of him getting a home cooked meal may be non-existent.