Worries and blessings

Hysteroscopy was Monday and that went well...I didn't remember updating the blog Monday  night!  Oops.  Tuesday I was home to rest and recover, which meant the DVR, the couch, and the kitties.  I was beginning to worry about how the cost of the surgery was going to impact our make a baby budget.  We no longer have the rock star coverage, so there will be some expenses on our end.  I just was sad, and figured all I could do was pray for peace about it and that I would remember the whole not being anxious about anything.  Wednesday I was back with my munchkins and the craziness of the end of the school year.  By the end of the day, I was beat but I did love the fact they missed Jones for two days!  
Thursday morning I woke up feeling a little more relaxed.  Joe called Dr. Bopp because we hadn't heard anything about his tests.  At one point in the morning, I realized I had a voice mail from Midwest so I zipped to check it.  Wonderful news, things are in the normal range for Joe!  Dr. Bopp feels that with the updated results, we will not need to do ICSI that they will let our stuff fertilize itself...and that saves us about $1300!  It was a definite answer to prayer and a reminder about having faith!  We will have to meet with Dr. Bopp and talk to the Cade Foundation about definite costs for our IVF cycle with this great news.  
Friday morning came with another voice mail from Allison....this one was to report that the pathology report on the polyps came clear.  No cancer!  They weren't too concerned, but they test everything they remove just to be safe.  We ended the week with blessings to be thankful for without a doubt!  Back to Dr. Bopp on June 7 for post-op check in.  In the mean time, we just are thankful for good results and improvements!  
On a side note, Go New Jersey Devils!  Joe has introduced me to the hockey playoffs, and I must say it's pretty fun.  There's a lot of rules that I don't quite get, but Joe is kind enough to relate it to football and things I relate to....anyways, Go Devils!
Five more student days, only three at preschool!  :(  June 5th is the last official contract day, but there are two classrooms to close up this year.  
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, prayers, and encouragement this week!  It was a week of ups and downs, but this the life of an infertile couple.  We are thankful for great news and look forward to moving ahead!
Love,
Sarah & Joe

Thanks for the prayers and love!

I appreciate all the love and prayers from our friends and family today!

Our journey moved ahead a little more today.  I had my surgery to get rid of the polyps Dr. Bopp found last month.  After making sure things were ready to go for my munchkins, I got to focus on no food or drink after midnight!  Joe, being the awesome husband that he is, suffered without food and drink with me.  He rocks!  We had a pre-op with Dr. Bopp at ten, just to touch base and go over everything.  Since surgery wasn't until one, we got to hang out in the surgery center waiting area for a bit.  (They have a TV, Midwest doesn't.)  I'm really not sure what we did before smart phones to keep occupied in waiting rooms.  Once I got called back, my phone was under my hospital bed and I was having some withdraw!  The nurse was kind enough to let me wear my Colts socks instead of the itchy ones they offered.  After what seemed like eternity, Dr. Bopp came and they wheeled me back.  Joe went up to Midwest while I was out.  Good ol' Dr. Bopp told me to think of a warm vacation spot, they gave me oxygen, and that was that!  Next thing I remember was sipping a diet coke.  :)  We have some nice colored pics of before and after...guessing nobody will line up to see those!  Dr. Bopp said there were a few more polyps than originally thought, but he cleaned house and we are good to go.  He is sending them off to pathology, just to to check.  So, now we just wait for Joe's count update and then it's just a matter of paying our share of the IVF expense.  

Dr. Bopp just called to check in on me, I really appreciated that!  He said he's glad we did the procedure since there were more polyps than we thought and my lining is good to go!

Looking ahead, be sure to join us for the Cade Foundation Race for the Family on June 23 in Chicago.  If you can't join us, but would like to support the Cade Foundation let me know!

So, now it's time just to rest and relax.  Not heading back to the munchkins until Wednesday, so it's the kitties, the DVR, and I until then!

Another step forward....

Before I get into our update for the week, please be sure to check out the Race for the Family coming up in June.  We are looking forward to participating and helping raise $ and awareness for the Cade Foundation!  If you know someone in the area that would like to participate, please share the info.  We want this event to be a huge success, the more money we raise the more families that can be helped overcome infertility!

The book has finally closed on ISTEP!  Oy vey, it is not my favorite aspect of teaching for sure. We have my hysteroscopy (surgery) scheduled for May 21 @ 1:00.  At 10:00 we will meet with Dr. Bopp for our pre-op appointment.  While I'm in surgery, Joe is scheduled for his count update.  It's nice they were able to schedule it all in one trip.  From what I understood at the last ultrasound, the procedure is pretty minor I will just have to be out for it.  The part I am dreading is the whole no food/drink part!  Pray for Joe because I do get whiny when thirsty and hungry!!  I am thankful for our nurse Allison, who calls back quickly and answers all my questions.  :)  Based upon her recommendation, I'm going to take Tuesday off to rest and recover before returning to my munchkins.  Nothing like adding sub plans and a surgery to the end of the year crazy, but this has to be done.  Other than that, nothing new to report from the Jones' front.  Joe is working hard between Walls and Great Sounds and I was able to pick up another tutoring job after school.  Thanks for the continued love and prayers!  Thanks to Steph for finding some new quote pics that fit the blog perfectly!

Have a wonderful Mother's Day and week!  We are heading to Marion to have lunch with Mom after church, Mother's Day isn't always the easiest day for an infertile person but we are so thankful for our mommas!

I'm looking forward to taking my little munchkins to the Fort Wayne Zoo this week.  Hopefully the rain stays away!

   

Sarah and Joe

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week!

This week, Facebook and Twitter have been full of articles and info about infertility.  I just wish people felt comfortable about speaking out, sharing their story, and asking questions.  Tuesday evening I was blessed with the opportunity to join Stacie at the Cade Foundation table at the Fertility and Family Building Fair.  As we visited and shared information about the Cade Foundation and our stories, it really helped me remember how blessed we are to have received the Family Building Grant.  Talking with people about what they've gone through, encouraging them, and letting them know about resources available was really uplifting.  While we still are waiting on the end of our infertility journey, I am thankful that I've got a passion to share with others.  Granted, it has taken me five years to get to this place and there still are days when I struggle.  


Stacie created a Facebook group, please take a second to join or share with someone you know that is struggling with infertility.  Search The Cade Foundation Supporters of Indiana.


Thursday was marked another step towards IVF.  Dr. Bopp wanted to do do an ultrasound to make sure everything was clear in my uterus to maximize our chances for implantation.  Having been poked and prodded, I was figuring this was just a technicality and we'd be clear to move on.  Silly me, there's nothing easy in our journey!  :)  Dr. Bopp found one small polyp that he wants to remove because it could interfere with our chances for success.  Obviously we want to do everything we can to improve our chances, but it wasn't news I received with joy!  Dr. Bopp will do a hysteroscopy which is a "simple, outpatient" surgery to remove the polyp and double check everything.  I have to give them a call in mid-May, we may go ahead and do it before school is out or wait until June.  Dr. Bopp said either way works.  My optimistic and hopeful side is thankful we found it now and it can be removed, but part of me wants to scream...REALLY?!  That's the roller coaster of fertility treatments, emotional ups and downs.  That's where this song comes into play: Somebody's Praying Me Through.

While some days are a challenge, I get through knowing we have amazing friends and family praying us through.  When I have rough days (like Friday), I think back to the Family Building Banquet and the couples who shared their friends and family didn't know what they were going through.  I just can't imagine not having the support system we do!  I am truly blessed with friends who let me text away when I need to vent, hug me when I'm sad, or just check in to see how it is going.  As we look to the future, we have to have faith that our journey will continue to play out and our outcome will be blessed!  Please continue to pray for us as some days it can be scary to think of the financial piece of IVF even with our grant, without we would not be talking IVF at all!  Pray for the "minor" surgery to go smoothly and take place when it needs to and for Joe as he deals with me.  :)


ISTEP starts Monday, so that will be a different stress and worry!  Preschool will be a zoo for the next few weeks, as we learn about the zoo to get ready for our field trip.  Meanwhile, Joe is working between Walls Furniture and Great Sounds.  We're keeping busy at the Jones' house.


Thanks for the love, prayers, and support!  We are truly blessed!
Sarah & Joe

A Friend Who Cares

(Henri Nouwen)

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives

mean the most to us,

we often find that it is those who,

instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures,

have chosen rather to share our pain

and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us

in a moment of despair or confusion,

who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,

who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing

and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,

that is a friend who cares.

Stepping into spring

What’s up with the Jones’?! Spring is here which brought spring break, yeah! We have also started walking to get ready for the Cade Foundation Race for the Family in June and to be healthier as we embark on IVF! (Please go to http://www.illraceforthefamily.com/ to sign up and join us!)

As April approaches, we will look forward (not sure that’s the word I want, but you know what I mean) to some pre-IVF stuff. I will have an ultrasound to make sure my tubes and uterus are still clear and ready to rock. We will also have to update Joe’s tests. Please pray that we are able to get my ultrasound scheduled so that it won’t cause me extra stress because it will be around ISTEP time!

While we look ahead it’s exciting and a little scary, we just have to forge ahead and have faith that things are going to fall into place. While I have a plan in my mind, we’ll see if it is what God has planned for us. Some days that’s easier than others.

I’ve spent this lazy Saturday watching a marathon of Giuliana and Bill. It’s an emotional reminder of all the ups and downs fertility treatment brings, and the importance of growing together as we endure it.

I need to take a minute to reflect with something I found on a blog I came across: http://mrssneakers.blogspot.com. (Just going to copy and paste)
The author is unknown, but the words felt like they came straight from my heart. God did choose us for a reason. Yes, the pain of Infertility hurts, but we are called for a higher purpose.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

What do I think God meant when He gave me Infertility?

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. 

I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time Infertility knocks us down.

I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.

I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility. 

No, God never meant for me to not have children.

That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.

I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.

Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. 

I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chosen Infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.

Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.

And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me Infertility. I already know.”

When we were just a year into trying to start a family, there was no way I could have told you there was a purpose in what we were dealing with.  As the years have gone by and we have laughed, cried, and hoped together I slowly came to see that what we were going through was making us stronger.  Receiving the Cade Grant just solidified that, it will allow us to try IVF and give us an opportunity to share our story and reach out to other couples.

As always, thanks to our family and friends for their continued love, support, and prayers as we continue along our journey. Please continue to pray for me to remain calm and know that things will fall into place as they should and pray for Joe as he deals with me…not just IVF stuff, we’ve got ISTEP again and the end of the school year chaos!

Sarah & Joe

Sarah's Laughter

For a year or two, I've subscribed to Daily Double Portions from Sarah's Laughter, a devotional directed at those dealing with infertility.  I love having a daily e-mail devotional that directly speaks to me.  Our devotional yesterday was written for friends and family, so I decided to share it here!  Infertility is an emotional journey, and we are very thankful for such supportive friends and family. If you or someone you know is dealing with infertility, I highly recommend they check out www.sarahs-laughter.com.    

What Can I Do To Help?
Practical Advice for Friends and Family

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.
Philippians 4:13-14

If you are the one struggling with infertility, guess what! Today’s Daily Double Portion is not for you! Please print this copy out, hand it to the nearest friend or family member, turn your computer off and patiently wait until tomorrow for your next Daily Double Portion!

If you love someone who is carrying the heavy load of unplanned “un-pregnancy”, you may find it difficult to know how to offer support for their struggle. They definitely need your encouragement, but it is sometimes so difficult for friends and family to know how to offer the support. As we struggle with infertility, our relationships with friends and family are undeniably touched. Those who conceive easily may have difficulty truly understanding the struggle an infertile couple faces every single day. In our effort to offer support for those who struggle, we submit these suggestions for ways that friends and family can offer their own support to those they love. These are simple, practical ways to show your love and support. If Sarah’s Laughter can help you in any way, please feel free to contact us at any time.

What to Say...

I’m so sorry.
I’m praying for you. (Only say this if you really will pray!)
How would you like me to pray for you? (Join in agreement with them in prayer. Don’t assume you know what they’re praying for. They may be praying for something that seems totally off the wall to you. You don’t have to understand why certain things are important. It may be important for your friend to not be invited to her cousin’s shower, or to be called into work on what should have been her due date. When you validate their feelings by praying in agreement with them, it can be a beautifully healing thing.)
I’m here if you need to talk. (Then don’t be afraid of what they may say. Don’t be offended if they don’t want to talk. Being available to them as a sounding board is priceless.)

What NOT to say...

Relax, honey. It will happen. (This minimizes the hurt the couple is feeling. Also, sometimes it doesn’t happen.)
You’re so lucky not to be tied down with kids. You can go on vacation any time you want.
At least...you were only a few weeks along, At least...you have one child. At least...you have time with just the two of you. (A good rule of thumb is--if you start a sentence with “at least” it’s probably the wrong thing to say!)
So whose fault is it--yours or his? (Infertility is not an issue of fault. It is a medical condition that carries a heavy emotional and spiritual burden. This is an intensely personal battle. If they want--or need--to share personal, medical information with you, let them. It’s really quite an honor to be trusted with such vulnerable information. If they don’t want to share, please don’t ask.)
You can always have another baby. (Unfortunately, many who experience infertility also experience loss. Even if they are blessed with a houseful of other children, they still grieve the baby they’ve lost. They love this baby. They want this baby.
I know how you feel. (No, you don’t. Even if you suffered with infertility or miscarriage, you cannot know exactly how this person feels. You may have a good idea based on your own experience, but not the specifics of this situation.)
Don’t cry. It’ll be okay. (Let them cry. Let them cry with you or on you. Just let them cry.)

Be Sensitive...

Infertility and loss are excruciating experiences which tend to be extremely private. If someone dares to trust in you and shares these experiences with you, take their hurt very seriously even if you cannot relate to their pain. Maintain their confidence. If someone else questions you about your friend’s childlessness, keep the information to yourself. Even when others ask out of concern, remember the intimacy of this situation. If and when your friend wants to share with others, she will--just as she shared with you.
Don’t ask infertile women or mothers who have miscarried to pass out gifts on Mother’s Day, host baby showers, etc. These are excruciating events for those who struggle.
Realize that the grief an infertile couple carries begins anew approximately every 28 days.
Don’t panic if the couple “emotionally vomits” on you. Don’t cringe if they start talking about sperm counts or post-coital tests. Your support can be life giving to someone who feels like they are going to collapse under the weight of an empty cradle.
Don’t be afraid of anger. Hurting people tend to lash out. If they are angry at their spouse, their doctor, their baby, their body or even at God, let them vent.
Give hurting couples an “out” on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day, on days when you have a baby dedication at church, for baby showers, etc. Let them know about the dedication in advance if you are comfortable doing so, so that they can decide if they want to attend that Sunday. These are hard events to attend. Don’t criticize if they do not attend. However, follow up with them if they miss more than just the difficult days or if they are pulling away too much.
Let them know you care. However it works for you and those you care for, just let them know you care.

As Philippians 4:13-14 says, we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, but it is so good of you to share with your infertile friends/family in their trouble. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for caring for hurting people and making such a wonderful effort to ease the pain of unintentional childlessness.

(c) 2012 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss


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Sunshine and Grief

I hope everyone has enjoyed the sunshine and beautiful weather!  


Last Sunday, this country mouse was heading home and recovering from venturing out in the city! However, I did have a blast with PJ and the girls for her bachelorette party! It was a much needed evening of fun after ISTEP with the munchkins. While I was off enjoying a night out, Joe and Garrett were being productive at the house. Since our fire place didn’t work, Joe and Garrett demolished it and cleared it out. The boys were super productive and finished the job before I got back! 

Of course, if I had written about anything last week it would have been about Jim Irsay just breaking my heart!  I was starting to deal with the grief of losing Peyton, and then he cuts everyone else.  Ugh, a sad week in the life of a Colts' fan! (especially during ISTEP and a full moon)  While I will still cheer for the boys in blue, I must say my heart will follow Peyton where he lands!  Plus, I have too much Colts gear and decor to jump ship!  These pics are from the summer I stalked the team at training camp and got our jerseys signed!


Thursday night we had our Cade Foundation Fertili-Wine in Noblesville. While we were hoping for more people, we had a great turnout and raised some money for the Family Building Grant. It’s really exciting to be able to start giving back! I met some new girls who have been through fertility treatment or are going through treatment now. I always appreciate talking to others who have been down the infertility road to hear their experiences as well as share our story thus far with others. If you weren’t able to attend but would like to make a donation to the Cade Foundation, go to www.cadefoundation.org and click on donate. Every little bit helps and will be used for other families overcoming infertility! Thanks to those that came out to support us!


If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, please share this information with them! April 24, the Indiana Collaboration for Families with Infertility is hosting a fertility fair! I am looking forward to joining Stacie in representing the Cade Foundation after school that day! Check out http://myicfi.org/fertility-fair/ for more info!


There’s really not much else to report from the Jones’ front! I just did my thyroid level labs again on Saturday, so we’ll see if my TSH is still where Dr. Bopp wants it for IVF. Next month, we will move ahead with some testing! Dr. Bopp wants an ultrasound to make sure all is well in my uterus, and we need to update Joe’s count. (I started to apologize for TMI, but I’m guessing if you are reading this you know what you’re in for!)


Have a wonderful week! Thanks as always for the support, love, and prayers! Keep them coming.
Sarah & Joe