I hadn't read back on our blog since before the miscarriage. Just skimmed over it today in trying to get thoughts together for an update. Often people want to know what's next, when we're trying again, etc...the answer to that one is we really don't know. Right now, we are just hanging out and enjoying each other. Infertility can easily consume life between the emotional, financial, and physical aspects. After everything, it's nice to just sit back, cuddle on the couch, and watch TV.
I just finished up my first Bible study at church that was about Jonah and life's interruptions or divine interventions. It was the perfect study for me at the moment because the miscarriage was an interruption we hadn't really expected or planned for. One of the first struggles I had was just getting out of my comfort zone and going. Mom was going with me, but this was new. Second struggle was being able to share with the group. I'm sure it's shocking to think I had trouble talking, but out of my comfort zone I am not as chatty! Once I dealt with those issues, I found I really liked it! It was nice to get out and do something with new people that was really good for my spiritual and mental health. After Spring Break, we will be starting a new one...Soul Detox. What does that have to do with infertility? Bible Study was a great outlet for me working through the grief we'd experienced. In our last group, being angry at God came up as a topic of discussion. Some of the ladies who are more experienced in their faith and relationship with Jesus shared they don't really get mad at God. Here's where chatty Sarah showed up! Heck yeah, I had been mad at God. He had led us down a road filled with hope, we were able to get pregnant, and then....BAM, miscarriage. One thing I was able to share was it was good I'd been working on my relationship with God and had more faith, otherwise I would have been a bigger hot mess! While I may not understand all of why God has put us through the infertility journey, I do clearly get He has been working on me along the way and thankfully He isn't done.
I still have my moments and teeter around with the angry stage of grief. I'm trying to just go with it and know that we will have our family in time. God has big plans in store for us, I just have to remain to have faith and wait. (pray for me in that department!) We are still thankful for the support and love we have received along the way. I just can't imagine going down this road and keeping everything to myself. I totally get why people don't talk about infertility and miscarriage....it sucks and puts a lot of private info out there. However, it's a medical condition that happens more often than you think.
We are looking forward to the Race for the Family this summer in Chicago. I'm working on the Couch to 5K app, and haven't passed out from running just yet. The Cade Foundation has been a huge blessing and source of support and we will continue to do what we can to spread the word and help other couples.
April 6, I'm having a Mary Kay party for the Cade Foundation. Lexi Johnson, a past DeMolay State Sweetheart, sells Mary Kay and prayed me through bed rest. She has offered to donate to the Cade Foundation based on our party sales. Ladies, if you want to have a girls' night out...come on over!
That's all from the Jones' casa. I don't want to get out of the habit of writing, it's a bit therapeutic for me, and may help someone else struggling with the same things.
Please keep praying for us! Pray that we enjoy each other and that God will bless us with our family when the time is right.
Happy spring break with snow on the ground my friends! (Snow and spring break just shouldn't go together)
Love,
Sarah and Joe
