Christmas Inspired Rambles and Reflections

Last night at our Christmas Eve service, Pastor Gregg was sharing about the star that led the Wisemen to a stable....not a palace. What do you do when you find yourself in the stable? Pastor Gregg shared they looked for God in the stable. He made the connection that most often when we are in a stable situation that's where we feel God's love more and closer. It really made me think about the past year and how God has used heartbreak to help me have a better relationship with Him.

Since I can't even begin to convey the message as eloquently as Pastor Gregg, you can follow this link to see the Christmas Eve service and message. It's worth it, I promise! Christmas Eve Service

(Warning, my ADD probably kick in as I try and share my story and most of this was written in the car on the iPad, so you've been warned! I figure if you're reading this you are equipped to deal with me already!) This time last year we were living with guarded optimism after a positive pregnancy test. We then had hope as we heard a heartbeat. We started 2013 with heartache, as we had an angel. Today, we looked forward to spending the day with family and celebrating how blessed we are!

Through all of our infertility, I had been up and down with faith and trusting God. I've shared before that some days were and still can be a struggle. One thing that strengthened my faith was the fact when I was scared or discouraged through the IVF there were always several friends that prayed for me, shared words of encouragement, and loved us through.

Granted, the day we were at the hospital and my prayers weren't being answered...I was a little irritated and couldn't understand why after all of our heartache and hope we were faced with loss. Pastor Glenn is the only person that I remember talking to that day outside of Joe and the hospital people. I think God knew we needed a shoulder to cry on, someone who would pray with us, and just a visible reminder we weren't facing things alone.

I decided to join the Women's Bible Study at church. My thought was it would get me out of the house and introduce me to some new friends. I had no clue how much I would love and appreciate having that time with other ladies while learning a lot about my relationship with Jesus, a lot about myself, and seeing the importance of having a church family. Granted, I don't always get my homework done but I still love it.
While I was learning to rely on God and that He wasn't out to torture us with heartbreak, I still had meltdown moments. I figured I'm human so of course I will still be a hot mess now and then. For one week in June, I got to help preschoolers with crafts during Wee Serve. It was an opportunity to get out of the house and do what I love...be with the the little guys. While I love my summer break, I was apprehensive about being home and having too much time on my hands. Another summer church adventure was taking the membership class at Union Chapel was the next step in my faith. The more I became involved and met more people, the more comfortable I felt.
On the home front, we hadn't talked about what we were going to do next...it just was a road we hadn't gone down. When we went to help with the Race for the Family, we were going to help give back to the Cade Foundation because of the grant, love, and prayers they give us. When it came time for the IVF raffle, we waited knowing that someone would receive an amazing blessing. What we had no clue was that an angel looking out for us had entered our names into the raffle, and my name was drawn. We all know I'm never speechless but this was the exception.

There is no way to explain it other than God knew I needed a clear sign on what we should do. As I think back about how amazed and blessed we still are to have another

chance at IVF, it's one of those moments you have to chalk up to God.

Step back to the membership class with me for a minute, please. One of the questions was whether you had been baptized or not. Well, I grew up in a Quaker Church so nope, no baptism with water. Granted, if I had been baptized back in my teen years I really don't think I would have had the understanding and appreciation that I do at this point in life. Pastor Glenn was the one that called to talk about what God had been doing in my life and why I wanted to be baptized. (Insert a very similar conversation that I've just typed here but probably with even less focus!) December 7, I took the next step and was baptized at Union Chapel. It was an exciting event and honestly, I wasn't expecting the peacefulness that I felt after. I'm praying that peacefulness will help me power through the emotional and physical aspects of trying again.

Thanks as always for taking time to read my update, especially when I don't go back and revise! It's more honest and heartfelt when I just ramble on. We hope you have had a wonderful Christmas with your families! We continue to be thankful for the love and support we receive from family and friends.

For what to pray specifically for right now...I'm trying to give up caffeine over break! My goal was to give up Caffeine Free Diet, too...but I'm going to be realistic. I'm guessing Dr. Morris won't understand how scary the thought of keeping up with preschoolers on no caffeine is...so just pray for no headaches and natural energy to keep up with my favorite little people. Also, we are hoping to get the ovarian reserve testing done soon. Timing is everything right now, and I'm hoping that it will work out so I won't have to miss school to get that done. I've got to get Dr. Morris to send Dr. Darroca specific instructions on how he wants the testing done. Darroca said he uses Clomid to do the test, and I said, "No, no, no, no, no." Who knew one word could stir such an adverse reaction?!

Enough rambling! Enjoy time with your family and friends!

Love,

Sarah and Joe

Merry Christmas!!

As we celebrate this Christmas, we want to take a moment to thank everyone for their love, prayers, encouragement, and support.  We are so blessed with amazing family and friends that support us along the way.  Have a wonderful holiday with your families!

Love is Patient

Twelve years ago, these words were read at our wedding and really sum up life at the Jones' house!

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT

Happy 12 years tomorrow babe!!  This afternoon I've been scrolling through pictures and thinking about how blessed I am daily that Joe is my husband.  While I wouldn't recommend or wish infertility on anyone, it has definitely been a factor in helping us to grow stronger as a couple.  Life has never been dull or easy at the Jones' house, but we have managed to overcome the various challenges in our path.  Thankfully, Joe is the level-headed one when I go Code Red!  I'm a blessed girl.  

Tuesday we ventured to Anderson for my hysteroscopy.  Dr. Darroca was able to remove the polyps he found and we were back in Muncie by four.  I'm not the most congenial girl without food or drink, so I was very thankful they moved surgery from 3:30 to 12:30!  This was my first adventure at Community Hospital in Anderson and I really appreciated how they took care of me.  My TSH came back at 2.45, below the 2.5 where Dr. Morris wants it to be.  The nurse called and was going to order some more labs...something about thyroid antibodies just to make sure it's all under control.  However, I ventured to LabCorp to find the order hadn't arrived.  That test will have to wait until Monday.  I go back for a post-op appointment on the 23rd with Darroca.  I'm hoping that day we can figure out what ovarian reserve testing he can do for us.  The ovarian reserve testing will help guide Dr. Morris in the medicine protocol, so having that information will help us be able to budget for meds.

Wednesday I had taken off as a personal illness day just to make sure I was good to go after anesthetic.  The morning started off with me feeling fine thinking that I could have gone to school.  As the day moved on, my shoulders and neck were sore and tight.  I had forgotten that after these procedures, you get shoulder pain as the gas leaves your body.  (It seems like you should just be able to toot and be done with it, but no shoulder and neck pain is more fun)  When I ventured back to the munchkins on Thursday, I just had a happy heart.  Having little smiles and hugs makes all the crazy times of teaching worth it.  I think when I'm out for the IVF I'm going to have to FaceTime with the kiddos!  I'm so thankful for a job I love and wonderful people that steer the ship when I need to be out.  (A special shout out to Ms. Kelly who I ditched for a surgery the week of her finals!  I did leave chocolate)

Please pray for us as we enter the holidays.  Last year at this time, I had started bleeding and then miscarried.  Things are off to a great start for the holidays- we have our Christmas tree up and Polar Express Day is coming in preschool!  

Pray that we are able to count our blessings and look toward the future.  Pray that my thyroid levels comes back fine and that we get the ovarian reserve testing done.  One blessing I've discovered is a discount medication program, so that may turn out to be a major answer to prayer.  

In other excitement, this girl got baptized last Saturday!  I'm so thankful and blessed.  Stay warm and safe friends!

'Tis the season for a procedure

There hasn't been much to report regarding our infertility journey lately, but there is a little bit today!  Yesterday, we went to Dr. Darroca (OB-GYN in Muncie) to get an annual, drop off my 123 page history from Dr. Bopp, and get some tests and procedures planned that Dr. Morris would like done before IVF.  It turns out that going to a doctor you haven't seen in a couple years is harder on your blood pressure than a wild day with the munchkins!  (146/95...oops)  Looking back, I think the anticipation of going over everything that's happened and the unknown of what we could get done here may have just got me worked up a little.  It turns out that I'm very comfortable talking about my infertility, but my miscarriage is a little more difficult. 

I always like to find a picture or quote to use when I blog, and this one jumped out at me.  Our first IVF started off smoothly, took a detour to the couch, and ended in a way we hadn't hoped.  Having this visual really makes me think about how to move ahead as we look toward IVF again.  November 2012-January 2013 was a draining experience....emotionally and physically which makes the thought of doing it all again a little daunting.  I've got to cross the monkey bars and not be afraid as we move forward.
Since I've got a history of cysts and polyps, I need to have a hysteroscopy done.  It's an outpatient procedure that I've had before...it just needs to be done at a specific time in my cycle.  His schedule was pretty booked, but after touching base with Dr. Morris about timing they were able to work me in.  Monday morning is our pre-op appointment and Tuesday at 3:30 is the procedure.  Pre-op is in Muncie, but the procedure will be at Community in Anderson.  I forgot to ask if he does these under anesthetic, if I can't eat or drink until 3:30 I'm going to need a full day sub.  Nobody wants a hungry and thirsty Jones, but Mr. Jones has dealt with the beast before! 
For our friends and family that pray specifically for us, here's what we need for the upcoming week...pray that my hysteroscopy goes smoothly and if there are any polyps they are taken care of, pray for Joe as he deals with me leading up to the procedure especially if I have anesthetic, and pray for the munchkins and the ladies that will hold down the fort while I'm out.  (Also, pray for temperatures that allow for gross motor time outside...32 degrees!)
One more thing, I got my TSH checked again...waiting for the result.  Since my levels fluctuate, please pray that they get and keep me between 1-2.  TSH and hysteroscopy are just one of the first steps before we start down the IVF road again!  We still have to get Joe's test updated and my ovarian reserve.  One step at a time!

Thanks for the love and prayers as always!
Sarah and Joe

Meeting our new doctor

How awesome was Peyton's homecoming in Indianapolis?!  I'm so stoked we were there!!  It rocked and was totally worth being exhausted and hoarse the next day.

Thursday morning we headed north to meet Dr. Morris, our new fertility doctor that donated the cycle of IVF for the Cade Foundation raffle. Change is not easy so there was a touch of anxiety as our appointment was growing closer.  When we won the raffle this summer, it was an answer to the question of what do we do next.  After our first cycle and miscarriage, I had no clue about what our next steps would be.  The thought of going through everything again to lose it was a lot to think about, but my heart wasn't totally ready to give up on fertility treatments.  It can be a bit overwhelming to think about how to manage another IVF, bed rest, and possible miscarriage again...it was just physically and emotionally draining.  However, I've got a lot of faith that we won this raffle for a reason and there is a positive outcome waiting for us.  It's that whole everything happens for a reason thing.

It took about four and a half hours to get to Naperville Fertility Center which will be where all appointments, monitoring, and procedures will occur.  (I'm no city mouse, so this country mouse will need lots of prayers when I'm making this trip on my own!)  We were an hour early because someone didn't mention that our appointment was Illinois time.  Joe is a smart cookie so he suggested we go ahead and check in.  We had to fill out our questionnaire prior to the appointment so there wasn't a lot of paperwork.  The nurse wanted to check my blood pressure and weight.  My blood pressure was normal which is unusual for these type of appointments.  I'm down eight pounds from my first IVF beginning weight.  While that was a year ago, shots, bed rest, and hormones are not kind to the waist line.  I'm going to keep working on it thanks to our Biggest Loser contest at school!  

We were able to get into meet Dr. Morris an hour before our scheduled appointment time.  Dr. Morris has everything electronically, so he gave us back our 123 page history from Dr. Bopp.  We jumped right in and he shared with us about different optional testing that could be done before the embryos were transferred.  (After the appointment, we both decided that we would opt against the preimplantation genetic testing)  Dr. Morris is on top of current research and best practices.  He had a power point with visuals on all his talking points! Prior to our cycle, I will have some ovarian reserve testing to provide information that will help in adjusting dosage for medicine.  He also wants a saline ultrasound or hysteroscopy to make sure the uterus is in good shape.  TSH is also included in this day 3 testing, which is good because mine fluctuates so much.  Dr. Morris wants my TSH between zero and 2.5, so when I visit Dr. Orrell I'll pass along our new range.  Joe has to get his testing updated, too.  It's only fair with all the poking and prodding I will receive!

When it comes to medication, we will use Follistim and Ganirelex again.  Dr. Morris uses a low dose HCG protocol.  The trigger shot will include HCG and Follistim.  This is new for the trigger.  I've done HCG (it's the one Joe gets to give me), but he uses the Follistim to trigger the FSH surge in addition to LH.  (FSH and LH are hormones key to the process.)

Egg retrieval and embryo transfer are the same as our first cycle, so that won't be a new experience.  I really feel confident that we are in great hands!  One of the downfalls to our consultation was the harsh reality....Dr. Morris says NO CAFFEINE for either of us.  Please pray for us as we transition to caffeine free life.  My caffeine free diet coke is allowed though! We met with one of the ladies from Billing to get prices on the testing that we would need before our cycle.  She also suggested contacting my local OB for the tests to help save us a trip.  Everyone at the clinic was very positive and encouraging!  I left feeling a lot better about things!

So, now we just have to get our testing done and figure out the costs we will have for medicine.  Pray that all the tests are clear and that we will get the medication cost figured out.  It's really amazing and a blessing when we think that the only costs we have is our medication.  A typical IVF cycle can cost between $12,000-15,000.  Thanks to the Cade Foundation for being an answer to prayers!!  

As we plan for our next IVF cycle, I'm going in with a lot more faith!  Thanks to all our friends and family for always giving us love, support, and prayers.  It takes a village to overcome infertility and we are so blessed!

Have a wonderful fall week and stay warm!

Love,

Sarah and Joe

Sarah's Ramblings

Oh my goodness, the last time I wrote was August 6.  Hold onto your hats, I'm about to get chatty!  October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day so I figured now is a good time to write.

Things have been hopping around the Jones' house since then.  School officially started August 12, and my munchkins started on the 14th.  The start of school is always busy and tiring...it doesn't get less exhausting with time for sure.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows I love special needs preschool so finding out that I needed six hours of credit by November 4 sent me into a small panic.  I knew I had to do it because I love my munchkins and what I do.  August 27 I started two classes online through University of Phoenix, insert crazy and busy Sarah.  Classes ended on Monday and I survived with an A and an A-.  Woohoo!  I'm blessed with a very patient husband who handled more cooking and cleaning duties than usual.  I'm also very blessed to work with wonderful people that helped with papers, let me do observations, and lots of people that just kept encouraging me along the way.
In the midst of homework and teaching, meeting Dr. Morris and having our consultation wasn't as high on the priority list.  Fall Break seemed like the ideal time to try and get in.  I really don't want to use too many of my days before IVF time.  (Although I'm praying this round will be much smoother)
We were able to get our appointment for October 24.  Insert a little nervousness at the thought of starting the process all over again.  While we aren't stressing about anything until we meet with the doc, there is a lot to think about!  The actual IVF itself isn't scary, the shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork...they aren't the hard part.  The hard part is the waiting and not knowing.  While the Cade Foundation has blessed us with the ability to do a cycle again, there is still the cost of medication.  At times, it is easy to think about whether we are doing the right thing...we have spent less than most on fertility treatments thanks to the Cade Foundation but at times we have to think about whether we should have spent it on adoption.  God has told me through this journey I will know when it's time to pursue adoption, and so far I'm not there yet.  
If I'm going to be honest, I think the fertility treatments and loss have done amazing things for my faith.  I went through the angry phase for sure and let God know I wasn't happy...looking back everything has brought me to where we are today.  Without being down after the miscarriage, I'm not sure I would have stepped out of my comfort zone and joined the Bible study at church.  I'm so thankful that I did!  I look forward to Tuesdays with my girls and feel a void when I miss it.  It really helps keep me grounded and remember God has a plan for us.  I'm really excited that I will have this group to support me as we move forward.  We have been covered in prayer all along, but having a small group of support is really exciting as I look ahead.  

February 1998

Let's talk about Joe for a minute.  When we started dating in 1998, I'm sure he had no clue what he was getting into!
Each day I have to love this guy more!  Our journey through infertility has brought us closer together through the ups and downs.  I'm thankful God gave me a man that has the patience to deal with me daily, it's not an easy job.  Joe could write a book on surviving life with a preschool teacher wife.  Bless his heart for blowing up therapy balls.  I love having someone that lets me share my excitement and passion for preschoolers and who doesn't roll his eyes when I start rambling.  I was asked if I knew anything about a toddler bed that someone was getting rid of.  It just happens that my husband was able to get a frame, board, and a mattress.  Now this munchkin will have a bed that will last longer than the toddler one.  Some guys wouldn't be as understanding and compassionate for helping out a child he's never met.  Another Joe rocks story...we have a little tricycle at school that is the perfect size for my tinier friends.  The pedal fell off the other day.  Jones couldn't fix it on the spot, but said I'd take home to Joe.  My munchkin replies, "Joe needs to fix and get the pedal on the little bike."  Joe spent two hours Thursday night trying to fix the pedal and woke up at 5:30 Friday morning to tell me he hadn't fixed it.  Saturday he got a part at Menards...but it wasn't the right size.  As I type, he's taken the bike apart and is going to get the right part and spray paint it!  What may seem as little things to some are huge blessings and mean so much.
One huge praise is the Cade Foundation grantees were announced for 2014.  Five couples are going to move forward in their journey to a family thanks to the Cade Foundation blessings.  It's so exciting!  I will never forget the Sunday evening when we received the phone call we were selected to receive a grant.  Pray for these couples as they start to plan and move forward!  
As far as praying for us, just pray that we (mostly me) will remain calm and listen as we meet with Dr. Morris.  I have been with Dr. Bopp and Alison forever it feels, this is a huge change.  I'm confident that we will feel comfortable with Dr. Morris.  After all, he donated a cycle of IVF for the raffle.  Pray that we will be able to take what he shares with us and come up with a game plan.  Here's one thing I struggle with and you can pray for me on...whenever we meet and talk about our next procedure I get really excited, hopeful, and ready to roll.  Joe is the level headed one that will figure out a logical time line and keep me grounded.  It's always exciting to have a new plan, but there are lots of things that factor in when we plan a cycle.  Going to Chicago for treatment will be another point to consider...I'm praying for a mild winter!
Thanks for reading my ramblings!  I appreciate the love, prayers, and support we get.  
Love always!
Sarah and Joe

Zooming through summer...

It's back to school time which makes me think of sharing stories about your summer with your teacher and classmates, so I figured that would be an easy starter for a blog update.  Our most exciting event of the summer was going to Chicago for the Cade picnic and winning a free IVF cycle.  That's a pretty big thing to top!

There's nothing to report on that front, we haven't scheduled our consultation yet.  Someone misread the licensing requirements and has to get six hours completed by November 4.  Oops!  Needless to say, staying in preschool is very important and will take precedence for a bit.  Thankfully Kreischer saved the day by recommending University of Phoenix and their six week classes.  From now until November, I may be a little out of touch going back to school with the munchkins and back to school as a student!  Extra caffeine may be an essential part of life!

While I've just been enjoying a lazy summer and slowly getting my room together, Joe has been off to the races!  (Yes, that's cheesy but I couldn't resist!)  Joe and Craig got to drive a NASCAR at the Speedway.  Another day, he drove a Ferrari F-430 at Grissom Air Force Base.

That's all from the Jones' for now!  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as it's back to school time, and the odds of Joe getting a home cooked meal are rather low!  Once I start two online classes, the odds of him getting a home cooked meal may be non-existent.    

Happy July!

Where did June go?!  Since our exciting and blessed trip to Chicago, I've been staying busy with things other than domestic jobs, napping, and Candy Crush.  I had signed up to work SERVE at church back in April I think.  I signed up for WeeSERVE, which is the preschool age group...my kind of munchkins!  Honestly, one of the reasons why I decided to get out and volunteer was to avoid being stuck inside the summer dwelling in what could have been.  Back in December, we were hopeful and optimistic that this summer would be getting ready for baby but we had an angel instead.  As each month passed, I teetered with a variety of ups and downs which is where attending and being involved in church came into play big time.  Remembering that there is a plan for us and having positive supports around me kept me grounded and strengthened my faith.  Back to SERVE...there goes my ADD again!
I had signed up to help every day because my schedule is pretty free come summer!  Jennifer had asked if I would lead the craft station each day, which is right up my preschool teacher alley.  After our trip and winning the IVF raffle, I went into SERVE week with a different mindset.  It wasn't about focusing on God to avoid sadness and teaching children, it became more about being thankful for our blessings and sharing God's love with the little ones.  Seeing 29 three and four year olds learn their memory verse, sing and dance to praise Jesus, and learn that God loves them made for a very fulfilling week!  I was able to get to know some more people from church and give back a little after we had received such a blessing at the Cade picnic.
I chickened out and didn't call Nurse Alison at Dr. Bopp's...I e-mailed her.  She has been such an amazing person and gone well beyond her nursing duties, it just made me sad to think of going through an IVF cycle without her!  (and we love Dr. Bopp of course, it's just we see Alison more)  Of course she was excited for us and said to keep in touch.  I had to fill out a release for medical records to go to Dr. Morris.  On Monday after we got back, Chrissy from the Cade Foundation connected us with our contact at IVF1.  They were quick to send us congratulations and explain we have a year to use our IVF cycle.  We have our contact to set up a new patient appointment and yesterday they received all 123 pages of our medical history.  I checked to release our entire medical record, and now we know Dr. Morris will have all the info he could want when we start out with him.
While being able to another round of IVF was a long term goal, we had no expectation that one was literally going to land in our hands!  As we figure out a plan and schedule a consultation, we will continue to keep our family and friends posted so you'll know specifically how to pray for us!
For now, we are just gearing up for 4th of July and enjoying the time we get to spend together in the summer!  It's nice not going to bed at 9:30.  :)  Have a safe and happy 4th of July!  Thanks for taking time to read my rambles and reflections as we work on overcoming infertility!
Love,
Sarah & Joe

An unexpected blessing

I haven't written lately because there hasn't been much to say...well I always have something to say, but nothing on the starting a family front!  It's been a nice change of pace for us to be able to just enjoy each other and life, not worrying about what treatment or test is coming up, how much it's going to cost, or if we have the emotional stamina to do it.  Regardless of our journey, we have always been so thankful to the Cade Foundation.  If it hadn't been for the family building grant, the odds of us having done our cycle of IVF would not have been great.  This year, the Race for the Family was scheduled for last weekend so we marked our calendars.  One of our goals for the summer has been to ride 1,000 miles on the motorcycle together.  We have made a couple trips to Indy and ventured to Uncle Dirk's in Ohio, so I'm going to guess we may have been about 300 miles towards our goal.  Riding to Chicago put us 502 miles closer!
We ventured up to Crown Point on Friday night.  The plan worked out to spend the weekend with PJ, go to the Race/Picnic on Saturday, and see Kate's t-ball game.  We were looking forward to lots of family time!
Saturday morning we headed up to Lincoln Park in Chicago for the picnic.  We hadn't registered ourselves, we were just going to volunteer and support the Cade Foundation.  There wasn't a big turnout, but we made the most of it.  Joe and I joined Camille in sharing our stories with the representatives from Walgreens.  It was great just to be able to share our story and catch up with our Cade Foundation family.  A special thank you to Vikas Vohra, the representative from Walgreens, that drew the name for the raffle!  When he read my name, I was standing their speechless.  We had been talking about how this drawing would be changing a life forever, but totally didn't expect that we were going to be the ones blessed.  There just aren't words to express how thankful and surprised we were.  The one thing that was clear was God really does have plans for Joe and I!  Thanks to Stacie and Nick Vetor for discovering the Cade Foundation!  We had started supporting the cause because it was so close to home for us, then we applied and received a grant, and now we have another opportunity thanks to the raffle!  I really don't have more details other than the doctor is Dr. Morris and IVF1 is the clinic.  He is in Chicago, so that will require some travel but thankfully between Joe's mom and sister I will have a place to crash when I need it.  We will figure out the logistics, get records transferred from Dr. Bopp, and figure out what's next...in the mean time, we are just so surprised and thankful.  This was such an unexpected blessing!

Stay tuned for more updates and the new game plan!  Thanks for the congrats, the love, and the prayers.  

Love,

Sarah & Joe

Thanks to the Cade Foundation for another blessing!

Join the movement...

Today marks the first day of Infertility Awareness Week, so in an effort to raise awareness I figured it's time for a blog. Resolve, the National Infertility Association, has issued a call for bloggers to share how they've broken the silence of infertility, how you have advocated for the infertility community or yourself. Hopefully by sharing our story, we have made a dent in breaking the silence. It's not always been easy to share about our journey, but writing was therapeutic for me and hopefully spoke to others in a similar situation. If I'm going to be honest, coming back to the blog and re-reading isn't always the easiest thing to do either. What's going on with us and our journey? We don't know yet and Terrie is working with me on being okay with that. If you ask, I may give a short brief answer to avoid picking at the scabs that are healing after our IVF and miscarriage. Just keep praying for us!

Since there's nothing to report as far as what's going on with us, I'm going to dedicate this blog to why I'm joining the movement and speaking out about infertility. Infertility is a disease and just relaxing or forgetting about it isn't going to make it go away. After years of battling infertility, I can say I am thankful for the things it has done for me. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks...I'm just able to look at how it has helped us grow closer as a couple and how God has really used it with me to work on my faith.

I'm in the midst of the Soul Detox Bible study, and this week our study was on fear. During the video, something stood out to me. What you fear reveals what you value the most and what you fear reveals where you trust God the least. Looking back at all of our fertility treatments, I can honestly say there was a lot of fear. We invested so much, physically, financially, and emotionally, it was scary to think it might not work. I'm very blessed to have had several friends pray me through those fears. Having been so open about our journey, I was able to reach out and get the emotional support and prayers needed to keep me grounded. After we miscarried, I once again was able to reach out to our family and friends to pray us through.

If someone you know is dealing with infertility, please let them know they are not alone! We are still blessed to be part of the Cade Foundation family. Our support didn't end when they gave us the grant or had a miscarriage. We are still blessed to receive love and prayers from our Cade Family! This Wednesday, Stacie and I will be sharing the Cade Foundation at the ICFI Fertility Fair. Last year, it was really uplifting to share our story and hope with other couples. Pray for me this year, as it may be an even more emotional experience sharing our story and our loss.

For more info: http://myicfi.org/fertility-fair/

Information is out for the Cade Foundation Race for the Family in Illinois!

The Cade Foundation Illinois Race for the Family is a VIRTUAL 5k run/walk, a 1 mile Family Fun Walk intended to raise money to fund grants for families with infertility. Last year- the event was a LIVE race- and this year- we decided to modify the format so that the activity could be more inclusive. The Race for the Family(TM) is a heart warming event that that raises money to help infertile couples in become loving parents! For those interested- we will host a Cade Foundation Family Cookout on June 22, 2013 and all registrants are invited to attend this celebration in Lincoln Park with us. Our goal is to raise $50,000 for this years event. Sign up today and help support families OVERCOMING infertility!

Everyone who registers by June 1, 2013 will be mailed a moisture wicking t shirt (adults) or cotton t shirt (children.) Anyone who registers between June 2 and June 22 can come out to the Cade Foundation Family Cookout to pick up their shirt and celebrate OVERCOMING infertility over lunch with us!

http://www.illraceforthefamily.com/

I need to get back in the saddle and work on getting ready for a 5K!  I admit after a day in preschool, the motivation to walk/run is minimal...but I'll get there.  Please join us in supporting the Cade Foundation!

That's enough rambling from this end!  I just wanted to take a second and share National Infertility Awareness Week with our friends and family.  

Thanks for the love, support, and prayers~

Sarah

It's been awhile...

(Sorry if you've got that song stuck in your head now.)  It is Spring Break and I don't have a good excuse not to update everyone on life with the Jones'.  Hold onto your hats, ADD Sarah is writing again!

On February 27, we hosted a Dine to Donate at the Marion Applebee's.  It had been a rough day in preschool, and quite honestly after school I was ready to crash.  The weather was supposed to get icky, so I was praying the snow would hold out so our event could be a success.  What was a crappy day quickly turned into an evening where I was overwhelmed with love and reminded of the blessings we do have.  A huge thanks to Stacie and Nick Vetor for helping spread the word.  We raised $253 that night just because our friends and families came out to support us.

I hadn't read back on our blog since before the miscarriage.  Just skimmed over it today in trying to get thoughts together for an update.  Often people want to know what's next, when we're trying again, etc...the answer to that one is we really don't know.  Right now, we are just hanging out and enjoying each other.  Infertility can easily consume life between the emotional, financial, and physical aspects.  After everything, it's nice to just sit back, cuddle on the couch, and watch TV.  

I just finished up my first Bible study at church that was about Jonah and life's interruptions or divine interventions.  It was the perfect study for me at the moment because the miscarriage was an interruption we hadn't really expected or planned for.  One of the first struggles I had was just getting out of my comfort zone and going.  Mom was going with me, but this was new.  Second struggle was being able to share with the group.  I'm sure it's shocking to think I had trouble talking, but out of my comfort zone I am not as chatty!  Once I dealt with those issues, I found I really liked it!  It was nice to get out and do something with new people that was really good for my spiritual and mental health.  After Spring Break, we will be starting a new one...Soul Detox.  What does that have to do with infertility?  Bible Study was a great outlet for me working through the grief we'd experienced.  In our last group, being angry at God came up as a topic of discussion.  Some of the ladies who are more experienced in their faith and relationship with Jesus shared they don't really get mad at God.  Here's where chatty Sarah showed up!  Heck yeah, I had been mad at God.  He had led us down a road filled with hope, we were able to get pregnant, and then....BAM, miscarriage.  One thing I was able to share was it was good I'd been working on my relationship with God and had more faith, otherwise I would have been a bigger hot mess!  While I may not understand all of why God has put us through the infertility journey, I do clearly get He has been working on me along the way and thankfully He isn't done.

I still have my moments and teeter around with the angry stage of grief.  I'm trying to just go with it and know that we will have our family in time.  God has big plans in store for us, I just have to remain to have faith and wait.  (pray for me in that department!)  We are still thankful for the support and love we have received along the way.  I just can't imagine going down this road and keeping everything to myself.  I totally get why people don't talk about infertility and miscarriage....it sucks and puts a lot of private info out there.  However, it's a medical condition that happens more often than you think.  

We are looking forward to the Race for the Family this summer in Chicago.  I'm working on the Couch to 5K app, and haven't passed out from running just yet.  The Cade Foundation has been a huge blessing and source of support and we will continue to do what we can to spread the word and help other couples.

April 6, I'm having a Mary Kay party for the Cade Foundation.  Lexi Johnson, a past DeMolay State Sweetheart, sells Mary Kay and prayed me through bed rest.  She has offered to donate to the Cade Foundation based on our party sales.  Ladies, if you want to have a girls' night out...come on over!

That's all from the Jones' casa.  I don't want to get out of the habit of writing, it's a bit therapeutic for me, and may help someone else struggling with the same things.

Please keep praying for us!  Pray that we enjoy each other and that God will bless us with our family when the time is right.

Happy spring break with snow on the ground my friends!  (Snow and spring break just shouldn't go together)

Love,

Sarah and Joe

A meaningful date and a Cade Fundraiser

Our angel baby tattoos-a meaningful and emotional date night

Since my last very ADD blog post, life has been moving at the Jones' house.  I've always said I wanted to get a tattoo, but chickened out.  After our miscarriage, I found the sweetest angel baby tattoo on Pinterest and told Joe this one I wouldn't back out on.  Granted, I was nervous and really afraid I was going to cry either because it hurt or because of what it was remembering.  It didn't feel good while it happened, but after it was over I was so thankful to have a concrete way to remember and honor what we'd been through and lost.  Mine is on my shoulder and Joe's is on his chest.  It was definitely the most memorable and meaningful date nights we have had.  

As far as the grief process and moving on, each day it has gotten better.  There was a week or two when I came face to face with my angry phase I thought I'd worked through already.  Sometimes it's just hard to see people with little ones that don't appreciate the blessings they have or aren't taking responsibility for the life they created.  Some days, it's just irritating and gets to me...after all that we have been through and done to have a child, it's so easy for some people.  I know that God has a plan, but He knows I'm still human and am going to have my moments!

Joe spent the start of February working a lot at the furniture store, so I was excited when we got to go on a fun date night to see Impractical Jokers at Ball State.

Impractical Jokers Date Night...lots of laughs

We have a fundraiser coming up this week for the Cade Foundation.  We were so blessed to receive a grant from them, but are continually blessed by the support we still receive.  Whether it's an e-mail to check in or a phone call to chat, the support we receive means more than words could say.  We will be part of the Cade family and when we have our baby...how and when we don't know...we know that Camille and Heidi will be leading a cheering section from Baltimore.  As much as it pains me to admit, they are the reason I had to cheer for Baltimore in the Super Bowl.  Please don't revoke my Colts fan card.
If you or someone you know lives in Grant County, please tell them to eat at the Marion Applebee's on Wednesday (February 27) between 4-9:00 pm.  By presenting the flyer, 15% of your dinner check will go towards the Cade Foundation and helping other families overcoming.  I will be there for the duration with information about the Cade Foundation and applications for the 2014 Family Building Grant.
Pray that when the time comes we will know how to move ahead with building our family.  Right now, I'm just counting the blessings we have!  Joe Jones is a pretty awesome fella!  Life has been so focused on the IVF, appointments, and procedures...it's wonderful to just hang out and enjoy being us.
Have a blessed week and eat at the Marion Applebee's on Wednesday!
Love,
Sarah & Joe

A fork in the road

Disclaimer:  The thought of writing this blog brings the anxiety level pretty high, so in addition to my ADD…I may just be all over the place with this update!  Every time I try and prewrite/plan, I just end up with a blank screen, so I’m going for the free flow approach.

I’ve been wrestling with updating the blog for two weeks.  I rang in the New Year pregnant and hopeful, but as the day progressed I was struck with horrible cramps.  Since I was already under couch arrest for the subchorionic bleed, I just figured it was related….but the cramps just got worse.  I promptly called Nurse Alison as soon as Midwest opened on the 2^nd, hoping that they could get me into Bopp before our 3:45 appointment.  The schedule was packed and there was no way of getting in earlier, so she suggested going to the emergency room even though it would a timely and lengthy ordeal, they could start getting me help sooner. 

Now, I’ve been scared crapless  since we started the IVF.  I’ve really worked on having faith over fear, but when you have waited and worked for years on something that finally happens, it’s scary as heck.  While I knew I need to remain calm and keep runt in a stress free environment, it wasn’t always easy.  Thank God that Joe has the ability to talk me down when I’m in a code red hot mess mode.  With these cramps and Alison’s concern…I was just scared my worst fear was about to happen.

Joe got stuck talking to the registration desk because there was no way I was going to be able to have any rational conversation.  We’d texted parents and close friends for prayer, but my blood pressure was still 147/94 when they checked me in.  The nurses and doctor were very caring and sympathetic, and tried being optimistic initially.  They were able to give me some morphine, which quickly helped with the pain and some of the anxiety.  They took a lot of blood, had me go potty, and did the shortest “exam” a girl has ever had.  The fear and grief was setting in before anyone gave us an official “diagnosis.” 

I’m used to ultrasounds, thanks to many years of fertility treatments…I can find follicles and my lining pretty quick.  I’m used to seeing the screen, but the sweet girl doing this ultrasound didn’t let me see.  Joe saw the screen, but was quiet.  After she left, I had to potty and that’s where and when reality hit.  Our little runt was in heaven and what had been our dream coming true was crashing down.  We cried…that’s about all I remember.  The doctor finally came back to let us know that I had miscarried and she’d talked to Alison and Dr. Bopp.  Not long after the doctor left, Pastor Glenn showed up.  Of course, Sue Lynn had called church to get the prayers going when I had text her.  Glenn had sent us a couple cards of encouragement and prayers that we kept in the IVF binder so I really appreciated him taking time to come and visit.  He sat and prayed with us, offering words of condolence, support, and encouragement.

We finally were able to go home around 11:30, about 3 hours after checking in.  They were kind enough to give me another dose of medicine to send me in some physical comfort.  The rest of the afternoon is a blur between medicine, hormones, and emotion.  I was able to see Terrie that evening and talk about everything that had happened, but I don’t think all the emotions had hit me just yet.  One thing I do remember and still think about from time to time is our little runt up in heaven and can totally see my Grandma Tinkle rocking the baby.  I’m sure she also has something other than runt that she calls him!  It may seem silly to some, but it’s the truth and it helps knowing our little angel is surrounded by Jesus and our family.

I took the first two days after break and the miscarriage off to physically and emotionally rest.  Words cannot express how thankful I am for the girls at school, they are amazing women!  I never had to worry about things at school because they had it covered and they were covering me in love and prayer.  We were treated to Olive Garden takeout one evening so that Joe could have a break from pizza.  Just love my preschool peeps and munchkins!

Last week, I was with the munchkins for three days because we met with Dr. Bopp on Thursday.  Dr. Bopp and Nurse Alison are just amazing.  In every step we’ve been through with them, they both have always been so encouraging, supporting, and caring.  Dr. Bopp called the afternoon of the miscarriage while I was napping, so this was the first we’d talked with him.  The fact he said, Hey Jonesy, in the hall before we sat down just affirmed that I was in the right hands!  It’s those little things.  As Joe had been saying since our positive pregnancy test, this was the farthest that we’ve been.  We finally knew we could get pregnant.  Our options include medicines, we could do IUI, or we could do IVF again.  We know I respond well and now we know we can get pregnant.  Dr. Bopp and Alison both said there was nothing we could have done, this early it was just God saying the baby wouldn’t have made it.  While the rational part of my brain knew that, the hot mess part still feels guilty from time to time.

What’s next for the Jones’ journey to baby?  It’s going to be a few months before we figure that out.  Between the IVF and the miscarriage, my body has to recover from a lot.  Only God knows what’s in store!  Our journey isn’t over; we are just at a rest stop at a fork in the road.  Everyone knows I always have to stop and potty! 

For now, it’s back to life as usual at the Jones’ house.  Granted, that is including hot mess Sarah meltdowns more frequently!  Again, Joe is a saint for dealing with me!  Just pray for us as we hang out and take a break.  I have no regrets about what we’ve done or what we’ve shared.  Miscarriage is like infertility, nobody talks about it.  It just took me two weeks to be ready to.  We are so appreciative and blessed with family and friends that stick with us!

Love,

Sarah & Joe