As April approaches, we will look forward (not sure that’s the word I want, but you know what I mean) to some pre-IVF stuff. I will have an ultrasound to make sure my tubes and uterus are still clear and ready to rock. We will also have to update Joe’s tests. Please pray that we are able to get my ultrasound scheduled so that it won’t cause me extra stress because it will be around ISTEP time!
While we look ahead it’s exciting and a little scary, we just have to forge ahead and have faith that things are going to fall into place. While I have a plan in my mind, we’ll see if it is what God has planned for us. Some days that’s easier than others.
I’ve spent this lazy Saturday watching a marathon of Giuliana and Bill. It’s an emotional reminder of all the ups and downs fertility treatment brings, and the importance of growing together as we endure it.
I need to take a minute to reflect with something I found on a blog I came across: http://mrssneakers.blogspot.com. (Just going to copy and paste)
The author is unknown, but the words felt like they came straight from my heart. God did choose us for a reason. Yes, the pain of Infertility hurts, but we are called for a higher purpose.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14
What do I think God meant when He gave me Infertility?
I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper.
I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time Infertility knocks us down.
I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols.
I think God meant for us to find a cure for fertility.
No, God never meant for me to not have children.
That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.
I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.
Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment.
I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While I would never have chosen Infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.
Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.
And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me Infertility. I already know.”
When we were just a year into trying to start a family, there was no way I could have told you there was a purpose in what we were dealing with. As the years have gone by and we have laughed, cried, and hoped together I slowly came to see that what we were going through was making us stronger. Receiving the Cade Grant just solidified that, it will allow us to try IVF and give us an opportunity to share our story and reach out to other couples.
As always, thanks to our family and friends for their continued love, support, and prayers as we continue along our journey. Please continue to pray for me to remain calm and know that things will fall into place as they should and pray for Joe as he deals with me…not just IVF stuff, we’ve got ISTEP again and the end of the school year chaos!
Sarah & Joe
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